Friday, June 14, 2013

The Hunt for Drama Llamas and Trolls

On my recent expedition into the Dark Territory of Cyberland, I came across a wise chieftain of the FaceSpace TweetLife clan, who instructed me on the many pitfalls of traveling in CyberSpace Land and took me on safari to examine the many lethal creatures of this enormous, yet instantly accessible, expanse of virtual world. In their natural habitat, these fierce creatures embodythe dangers of “the Interwebs” (as the simpleton tourists have dubbed it). The most destructive forces, such as the Trojan Horse (keen in its chameleon like capabilities), ravage the land in its entirety, but others are quite territorial in nature and occupy only a certain habitats in this land.

Within Cyberland exists a virtual paradise for tourists to come and share in its fruits and joyous landscape; the So Shell Land. Picturesque flora and fauna remind visitors of days gone by, while creatures of every shape and size allow people to see the current affairs of this beautiful land. This land also contains two dark and insidious inhabitants that have been known to terrorize and harass unsuspecting tourists; damaging their property, stealing food and water, and inciting fear and mistrust. On occasion visitors will completely vacate this paradise and altogether refrain from visiting Cyberland. With the dangerous nature of these two beasts in mind, I implored Pacu, our guide, to allow us to track and observe the behavior of the beasts known as Drama Llama and Troll.

At first glance, causus problemus the common drama llama and postus crapicus the Poster’s troll (named after the first victim of the troll) appear to be unrelated species, but upon thorough DNA examination, it has been determined that the drama llama and the troll are rather close evolutionary cousins. The llama predates the troll several millennia and actually migrated across a cyber bridge from the Real World. The llama has lived a rather stout existence in homo sapien society, but has flourished in Cyberland as its ease of access to all visitors has been prodigious. Poster’s troll seemed to have evolved after the llama’s introduction into Cyberland, The chief distinction from the llama and the troll is that the troll has become more adept at camouflaging it’s interactions with visitors often times steadily stalking its prey while making a clear sign of disinterest to it. However, after long observations, this researcher has determined that the common drama llama and Poster’s troll have very similar feeding, reproductive and survival habits and must be handled and controlled in the same way. Through processing of observational data, genetic coding, fecal examinations and allegorical accounts a proper care, management and control protocol has been formulated. Recommended best practices, precautions and policies will be issued in an upcoming article in the Journal of Screwed Up In the Head. I will post it to this site.

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